Baltimore’s Cultural Divide, Captured in Song

Everything you ever wanted to know about Baltimore’s cultural, class and racial divides can be found in these competing homemade, DIY Baltimore Orioles Anthems.

Here’s “Oh, Oh, Orioles” By Warning Track Power.

ANNNNND, Here’s “Black and Orange” by D Boi (a remix of Wiz Khalifa’s Black and Gold song)

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Poem: Untitled

i had no idea
i’m still really sorry about the beach
i HAVE to stop drunk dialing people
i don’t ever want to travel with Kevin’s friends again tho
they are all hot messes
i guess like me

-Anonymous

Manly Deeds: Richard Paterson, The Master Blender

One in an occasional series about doing sophisticated man-shit related to guns, whiskey, cigars, barbershop shaves, guitars and what have you.

Whyte & Mackay Master Blender Richard Paterson is devoted to blended whiskey, which, in the single malt circles, is apparently sacrilege. Continue reading

Songs In Prose: R. Kelly “I’m A Flirt”

Now if you walk up in the club with a bad chick, and she’s looking at me then I’m going to hit it. Man, jacking for chicks, I tried to quit, but I’m a player homie, so I had to hit it.

While you were buying her drinks in the club, acting like your in love, stunting like you’re all thug, we was switching numbers. She looking at you when I walked by, but you turned your head, she winked her eye. I can’t help if she’s checking for a platinum type of guy.

She’s calling me daddy, and I’m calling her mommy. She’s calling you Kelly, when you’re name is Tommy.

I don’t know what ya’ll be thinking when you bring them around me. Let me remind you that I am the king of R&B. Do you know what that means? That means if you love your chick, don’t bring her to the VIP, because I might leave with your chick.

Just keeping it real. It’s a player’s feel. Don’t take your bitch to the club when you just met her. Because I’m a flirt.

Written By: R. Kelly

Man-Acting: The Path of the Righteous

“There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.” Now… I been sayin’ that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You’d be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin’ made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking: maybe it means you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here… he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. And I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.”

Songs in Prose: Drive-By Truckers “Birthday Boy”

Which one’s the birthday boy?” she said. “I ain’t got all night.”

“What your momma name you? You can call me what you like.” Every skinny’s a mystery, gotta make it hard some how. “Sit your narrow ass down hot shot, I’ll solve yours right now.”

“Got a girlfriend don’t you boy?” Nervous hands can’t lie. Married men don’t ask how much, single one’s ain’t buying. One day you’ve got everything. Next day it’s all broke. “Let Miss Trixie sit up front. Let her wipe your nose.”

…..

Working for the money like you got eight hands, flat on your back under a mean old man, just thinking happy thoughts and breathing in. Between your momma’s drive and daddy’s belt it don’t take smarts to learn how to tune out what hurts more than helps.

Pretty girls from the smallest towns get remembered like storms and droughts that old men talk about for years to come. I guess that’s why they give us names. So a few old me can say they saw us rain when we were young.

…..

“Which one’s the birthday boy?” she said. “I ain’t got all night. What your momma name you? You can call me what you like.”

Author: Mike Cooley, DBT

Red Cyclops Manifesto

Charm City. The Land of Pleasant Living. The Greatest City in America. A place that asks us to believe.

Lies. All lies. Continue reading